I am: therefore the world is meaningless. What meaning is there in the tragic suffering of a man for whom everything is ultimately nothing and whose only law in this world is agony? If the world tolerates somebody like me** this can only mean that the blots on I the so-called sun of life are so large that in time they will obscure its light. Life's beastliness trampled me under foot and oppressed me** clipped my wings in full flight and stole all my rightful joys. 1 The enthusiastic zeal and mad passion I put into becoming a brilliant individual** the demonic charm I adopted to gain an aura in the future** and the energy I spent on an organic** glamorous** inner rebirth** all proved weaker than the beastly brutality and irrationality of this world** which poured into me all its reserves of negativity and poison. Life is impossible at high temperatures. That's why I have reached the conclusion that anguished people** whose inner dynamism is so intense that it reaches paroxysm** and who cannot accept normal temperatures** are doomed to 1 fall. The destruction of those who live unusual lives is an aspect of life's demonism** but it is also an aspect of its insufficiency** which explains why life is the privilege of mediocre people. Only mediocrities live at life's normal temperature; the others are con*umed at temperatures at which life cannot endure** at which they can barely breathe** already one foot beyond life. I cannot contribute anything to this world because I only have one method: agony. You complain that people are mean** vengeful** ungrateful** and hypocritical? I propose the agony method to rid you of all these imperfection*. Apply it to every generation and its effects will soon be evident. Maybe in this way I too could become useful to mankind!

Bring every man to the agony of life's last moments by whip** fire** or injection*** and through terrible torture he will undergo the great purification afforded by a vision of death. Then free him and let him run in a fright until he falls exhausted. I warrant you that the effect is incomparably greater than any obtained through normal means. If I could** I would drive the entire world to agony to achieve a radical purification of life; I would set a fire burning insidiously at the roots of life** not to destroy them but to give them a new and different sap** a new heat. The fire I would set to the world would not bring ruin but cosmic transfiguration. In this way life would adjust to higher temperatures and would cease to be an environment propitious to mediocrity. And maybe in this dream** death too would cease to be immanent in life.

(These lines written today** April 8** 1933** when I turn twenty-two. It is strange to think that I am already a specialist in the question of death.)