调情这事儿太自然了，以至于我们几乎没有注意到自己正在这么做。像是脑袋稍稍向一边倾斜露出优雅脖颈，为赢得对方好感而对一件压根儿不好笑的事情哈哈大 笑，或者不由自主地挪动*股以靠近身边的美人。我们的肢体语言也许是我们的真情实感最敏锐的表达。这些小动作是我们一曲求爱舞蹈中至关重要的组成部分，我 们称之为“调情”。

如果你想对酒吧里初次碰见的她/他表示兴趣，那么不需要多么明确的示意，仅一次长久的注视或挑起眉毛就足够了。因为调情能帮助人和其它动物更快速更容易地找到伴侣，所以它最终成了我们头脑中高度进化的性状硬连结。老鼠在 遇到自己的潜在伴侣时会动鼻子，雄孔雀在遇到心仪的雌孔雀时会开屏，鸽子则会鼓起胸脯使自己看起来很健壮。尽管我们人类的调情行为看起来比“鼠辈们”复 杂高级得多，但却是出于和动物完全相同的动机。

“虚荣”的基因

由于调情是展现我们基因、交配潜力和价值取向的一种简洁有效的手段，所以大自然费尽心思来确保它的成功。这正是大自然为什么让一些雄鸟长着充满异国情调的 羽毛或让麋鹿拥有大而笨重的鹿角（这也是一个生态系统健康的标志）的原因之一。同样，我们的招潮蟹在空中挥舞着两只大大的钳子是为了提醒招潮蟹女士们 “瞧，我在这儿呢！你该赶紧凑过来瞧瞧我那精巧的洞*，鲜艳的外壳和有力的大钳子。”

同样地，我们的身体在头脑下达指令之前就抢先一步表明了自己对对方的好感。一个小小的举动反映了很多问题。身体微向前倾和人交谈的站姿或快速地挑高眉毛等 行为被科学家称之为“接触就绪”。当你打算对另一个哺*动物发出某种信号时，往往采用肢体语言。也许这些信号的重要之处就在于表明你其实无意支配统治对 方，但也不会害怕逃离对方。

行为传递信息

通过对人们上演求爱好戏的舞台（通常是酒吧）的研究，科学家记录下了人们在对异性产生兴趣时的一些举动。研究发现，其实我们的这种行为是可以预见的。女人 可能会微笑，扬起眉毛，睁大眼睛，长久注视，摆弄头发，降低或倾斜脑袋。男人可能会抬起下颚，坐直身子，无意识地交叉手臂，大声笑或微笑。但是所有这些滑 稽可笑的姿态到底意味着什么呢？

让我们再次将人的行为和动物进行比较吧，结果显示我们的这些行为是能够传递一些信息的。若一个女人微侧脑袋露出脖颈，则是一种显示脆弱和温顺的信号。我朋 友的一条名叫梅布尔的母拳师狗就是这样做的：当一条公狗靠近她时，她会微侧脑袋，垂下双耳，似乎在说：“我想恋爱，不想打架。请别咬我！”公狗自知处于高 大，优势的立场。这时梅布尔则会偷偷地看他一眼，表明自己是个不易得手的端庄的淑女，正如我们在调情时所做的那样。

读懂我的唇语

一头母狮在将自己介绍给一头雄狮时会弓起背部，炫耀PP，表明自己身体健康，能胜任“相夫教子”的重任。尽管我个人讨厌“咯咯傻笑的金发碧眼的女郎”，但是女人睁大眼睛笑个不停不是因为她们傻，而是她们想给人以年轻、温顺的形象（难怪多莉.帕顿 这么受欢迎）。尽管男人和女人在遇到感兴趣的异性时都会长久注视，女人可能还会**嘴唇以期引起对方对她嘴唇的注意。如果一个男人紧盯着你的双唇，他很可 能在想该怎样亲吻它们。

也许一个男人不会像人猿泰山那样炫耀他的胸肌，那仅仅是因为有社会约束的存在。其实他很想展示下自已下巴的硬线条（这代表了高指标的睾丸激素水平），并且伸展双臂让自己看起来强壮结实。然而他并不想因为看起来强壮而显得吓人，所以他经常微笑或大笑。自信和力量使他免于困扰，亲切和友善使他能得到女性的垂青。

猴子看，猴子做

两性的关系像照镜子，人们倾向于和他/她站或坐在同一个地方，在同一时间拿饮料。如果其中一个人倾斜身体，另一个很可能也会这么做。其背后的原因是，人们容易被喜欢自己的人所吸引。（约会提醒：如果对方在摸他的鼻子时，请把“镜子”放下来。）

我们也会将身子倾向于自己的“欲望对象”，这意味着我们的手和脚或整个身体都会不由自主地倾向对方。这是一种开放的、充满希望的非语言交流。

可有时候，我们的姿态再怎么娇媚，也有摆不平的事情。当我们想得到某样东西（餐馆里位置更好的一张餐桌，飞机上第二杯免费*尾酒，一次队）或想和某个 初次见面的来一场愉快的交流时，调情成了一种“默认机制”。当然我们的调情不都是为了性，已婚人士通常进行“柏拉图式的调情”，他们调情时不带有性的意图，这样的调情是很常见的。调情也许为“某事”的发生打开了可能之门并使好奇心升级，然而也可能发生的是我们能够不受任何伤害地全身而退。

It’s so natural， we barely even notice we do it. Tilting a head to expose the neck， smiling or laughing at something that really wasn’t funny， moving closer to the person making unfunny jokes， mimicking their action*. Our body language is perhaps the most subtle expression of what we’re really thinking and feeling， and is a crucial component of the courting dance known as flirting.

Though cheesy pick-up lines abound， a lot is conveyed even before words are uttered. A prolonged gaze or arched eyebrow gives clues to the person across the bar that you’re interested without having to explicitly ask about his/her sign. Though the statistics differ， some attribute almost 80 percent of our first impression* to our stance and swagger. And because flirting helps both animals and humans find mates faster and easier， it is an evolutionary trait hard-wired in our brains. Mice twitch their noses at potential mates， colorful peacocks strut around for admiring peahens， and pigeon* puff their chests to look buff. As much as we have moved on from mice and feathers， we do much of the same， for the exact same reason*.

Genetic Peacockery

Because flirting is an easy way for us to display our genes， mating potential， and interest， nature put a lot toward its success. This is one of the reason* why some males birds have exotic plumes， why elk carry hefty antlers (a sign of a healthy immune system)， and why male fiddler crabs have such large claws. He waves his in the air， alerting females to his whereabouts， and signaling them to come closer for a better look at his burrow， colorful shell， and flashy claw.

Much in the same way， we’re physically programmed to indicate interest almost before we mentally have a say in it. Slight action* reveal a lot. Stance， eye movement， and gestures like leaning forward to talk to the person， or quick eyebrow raises are what scientists call contact engagement， signaling to the other mammal that you’re prepared for things to potentially get physical. Perhaps most importantly， these signals show that you’re not intending to dominate or flee. Or not just yet， anyhow.

Moves Have Messages

By studying humans in their natural courting habitat (usually bars)， scientists have been able to document the movements we make when we’re interested in someone else. As it turns out， we’re all quite predictable. A woman smiles， raises her eyebrows， opens her eyes wide， holds a gaze， fidgets with her hair， lowers and tilts her head， and laughs. A man might jut out his chin， try to make his chest appear as large as possible， uncon*ciously flex an arm， laugh aloud， and smile. But what do all these ridiculous gestures mean?

By comparing our action* with those of animals， it becomes clear that moves have messages. A woman tilts her head and shows off her neck as a sign of vulnerability and submission. I see my friend’s dog， a female boxer named Mable Mae， do this all the time. When a male dog is approaching， she turns her head and flattens her ears as if to say， “I’m a lover， not a fighter. Don’t bite.” The male dog naturally assumes the taller， dominant stance. Mable also steals sideways glances， just as we do when flirting， to show she’s demure and hard to get， yet interested.

Read My Lips

Like a lioness presenting herself to a mate， women will arch their backs and show off their hips to indicate fertility. Though I hate the stereotype of a giggly， doe-eyed blonde， women laugh and open their eyes wide not because they’re ditzy， but because it conveys an image of surrender and youth. (No wonder Dolly Parton was so jovial and popular.) While both men and women will make prolonged eye contact with people they’re interested in， a woman might also lick her lips， helping to bring visual attention to the mouth. If someone is staring at your lips he may be thinking of how to kiss them.

Though a man might not pound his chest like Tarzan while in a crowd， it’s only because of social con*traints. He’s still trying to put forth his strong jaw， an indicator of high testosterone levels， and spread his arms and chest to look muscular and strong. Yet he doesn’t want to look too strong or threatening， so he laughs and smiles frequently. Confident and powerful enough to protect his brood; nice enough not to harm the doe.

Monkey See， Monkey Do

Together， both sexes take part in mirroring， tending to sit or stand in similar position*， or pick up a drink at the same time. When one person leans in， another will do the same if she likes what she’s seeing. The theory behind this is that people are drawn to others who are like them. (Dating note: if he picks his nose， put the mirror down.)

We also tend to point or gesture toward our object of desire. This means feet， hands， or the entire body will subcon*ciously be pointed toward him or her， opening up a line of physical—and hopefully verbal—communication.

Yet through all our coquettish gestures， anyone who’s raised her eyebrows at a cop knows that flirting is not always intended to seal the deal. Flirting can be a default mechanism when we want to get something for nothing (a better table at a restaurant， another free cocktail on the airplane， a shortcut in line) or a comfortable and fun way to interact with new people. And it’s certainly not reserved just for people we want to mate with; married people flirt with no adulterous intention* and platonic flirting happens all the time. Flirting opens -s of potential and can peak curiosity about what might happen， but it also leaves us with the ability to walk away， no harm done.